Wednesday, 8 January 2014

A letter to Emma

Dearest Emma,

It still doesn’t feel quite real, does it? The fact that you’re not here anymore. It’s been three months now, but the pain is still there like it happened just yesterday. It didn’t feel right starting a new year and knowing that you wouldn’t be here to experience it.

Not a day goes by where I don’t think about you, where something doesn’t remind me of you. A song, a picture, a quote, somebody’s face, somebody’s red lipstick. My heart breaks a little bit more each time. And I know you wouldn’t want me or anyone else to be sad, but it’s hard not to be.

I couldn’t believe it at first. I found out on Facebook... I know right, what a way to find out. I thought it was a joke, and how I wish it had been. But the more I scrolled through the messages, the more real it became. And my heart stopped and shattered. The next few days were a blur, you were all I could think about. And your funeral, it was a beautiful service even as I watched it through my tears.

I just wish I could hug you one last time, or hear your voice one last time. I can’t help but think I should have made more of an effort to spend more time with you, even though both of us were busy, I should have tried more. You were the one person I could tell literally anything to, and you wouldn’t judge me, and I miss that.

It wasn’t your time to leave us. Or maybe it was, I don’t really know. All I know is that I miss you more than anything, and I wish I had had the chance to say goodbye, and tell you once more that I love you.

I know you’re up there, looking down on me and probably face-palming at half the things I do each day, but hey, nothing’s changed right? 

All my love, forever,

Louise


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